freshman freakout?

last weekend i decided i wanted to go home, mostly because i missed my friends ridiculously, but also because i needed to do laundry. it was so much fun being back in toronto and seeing familiar faces and yes, of course seeing my entire family. i came back sunday night and did the rest of my work and everything. it was definitely good to be “home”. my- home- in pittsburgh-home. but, monday night, as i was doing some work, it all came crashing down on me. i have been sick since orientation and missed a few days of classes, i felt like i was ridiculously behind, and i felt really alone and isolated too. i don’t know why, because everyone on my floor is so great. anyway, i ended up crying, calling my dad and telling him to come and get me, and was going to switch schools. my entire family talked me into staying for the night and seeing how i felt in the morning.

the next day, i needed a serious mental health day, partly because my illness came back, and partly because i just felt like “blah.” so i didn’t go to my classes and i went to talk to my adviser, as well as called the other school to see when the transfer date was. of course, it was the next day. but in a way, it was a blessing, because if i would have left and gone home and gone to the other school, it would have been a huge mistake.

i decided to go explore downtown a little bit with my free time. i walked towards Milano’s and sat outside there and drank a Rockstar for a long time. i noticed the city around me. the ever-present happening that makes pittsburgh what it is and what it always has been. i was reminded of one of the main reasons i chose duquesne, and that was the fact that it was in pittsburgh, and i feel like i belong here. this is my city. i love the fact that there’s never any quiet time and the tall buildings and even the horrible air. the art museums and the benedum center, as well as heinz hall and everything else that is great about this city. this is my home.

after Milano’s, i took a walk to China Wok, which has the best chinese food by far. orange chicken is the cure for everything, it doesn’t matter what your problem is, orange chicken is a life saver. on my way back to towers, i sat outside on the bench for a few minutes. it was gorgeous out; sun shining, not a cloud in the sky, perfect temperature. i reached into my bag and pulled out the fortune cookie that the lady gave me. i was hoping for great words of wisdom to help me make sense of my situation. i never dreamed i’d actually get them. plain and simple the cookie stated:

“success is never final and failure is never fatal. it is courage that counts.”

so basically, no matter what i do and how i do in it, succeed or fail, at least i can say i had the courage to do it.

i had the courage to stick it out one more night.

and now i have the courage to stick it out as long as i can.

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